Omelettes!

This is for Krista, who just told me she doesn't know how to make an omelette. Since omelettes are the ONLY way I know how to cook eggs (wouldn't Gordon Ramsay just LOVE ME?), I feel like my tiny egg skillset might be put to good use here. For probably the only time, ever!

This is probably not the ONLY way to make omelettes, I don't know. But it's my way. INDULGE ME.

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Basic Omelette

• 2 eggs
• 1-2 tbs milk
• Salt, pepper, Tony’s and/or Tabasco, to taste
• Fillings of choice – cheese, mushrooms, spinach, tomato, onion, any breakfast meat, etc.

Prepare your fillings ahead of time – cook and/or dice the meats, shred the cheeses. All fillings should be dry – if you’re using any wet ingredients (diced tomatoes, canned mushrooms) drain and blot them very dry with paper towels before adding to the omelette. Set everything you’ll need aside.

My personal favorite omelette is ham, Swiss cheese, cheddar cheese, tomato (blot blot), mushroom (blot blot), and spinach (fresh baby leaves).

Heat a skillet over medium heat until it’s hot. If you pour eggs into a cold pan, they won’t cook quickly enough to fuse together – the omelette will break when you try to turn it.

Spray the pan well with cooking spray, or melt enough butter to cover the bottom of the pan and keep the eggs from sticking. If the egg sticks to the pan, you will not be able to turn the omelette.

In a bowl or cup, use a fork to whisk 2 eggs and 1-2 tbs milk together. (If you want to use only egg whites, use 4 eggs and spoon out the yolks.) Don't use more than 1 tbs of milk per egg, or the mixture may be too soupy, and GUESS WHAT. The omelette will not turn.

Add any seasonings you like – a few dashes of salt, pepper, Tony’s or Tabasco works well - and whisk it all around some more. Pour the egg mixture into the hot skillet, and let it sizzle and spread out to cover the whole bottom of the pan. If you’re using a large skill, the omelette will be thin, but will cook faster, so watch it carefully. If you’re using a small skillet, the omelette will be thick and cook more slowly, so be patient with it.

While the egg cooks, top it with whatever filling you want to use. You can sprinkle cheese over the whole surface, since it will melt into the egg, but for solid fillings, try to keep it all to one half of the pan. That will make turning easier. Maybe you've noticed by now, it's all about the turning.

When fillings are added, just wait for the egg to be done enough to turn (will depend on how large and hot the pan is). When the edges are no longer runny, and you can easily slide the blade of a spatula underneath without tearing anything, gently fold the un-topped side of the omelette over onto the topped side, to enclose the fillings.

If the turning doesn't work, for whatever reason, don't be sad. Maybe it only tore a little bit, and you'll just have a non-traditional-looking omelette that still tastes good! Or maybe it completely disintegrated and crushed all your hopes and dreams. Oh, well. That's some mighty good fancy scrambled eggs you got there! Eat 'em up with some toast.

If the turning worked, hooray! Press the whole thing down with the spatula. You may want to leave the omelette whole, or cut it in half to help remove it from the pan if it’s too big or stuffed with fillings to handle. (I always cut mine in half, just because.) Gently lift it out of the skillet and onto a plate when the egg is golden and cooked through evenly, and the fillings are warmed.

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And that's it. The one way I know how to cook eggs. I can't boil them, fry them, poach them, or make them be sunny side up. I don't like eating eggs any of those ways, so I never bothered to learn. Even my scrambled eggs are just basically an omelette, chopped the fuck up.

PS. I know you're teaching Will how to cook eggs, so I gotta say...it was SHAYNE that taught me how to make omelettes. This is basically his recipe. Maybe you can pass it on from one manly dude to another!